Lucy loves me

So I had an interesting Friday night. It all started by me being at the store shopping for my nieces birthday gifts. Javi texts me that lucy is in town. I like trying lucy from different people because I wanna find her. It usually isn't her or its just bunk. Once I ate 3 hits of acid and left the weed more...
WTF
Anywho, he says he will buy some so I told him to get me 2. He also suggested we went to smoke hookah that night, so we did. He ate his before we met up. Within 20 minutes he said he was tripping BALLS. Im just like hmmm..maybe it is her because him and I have a good tolerance so he is not weak lol.

We meet up and go smoke hookah and I didn't eat mines yet because we he forgot them in the car. So he is tripping balls and im sober and we are having such interesting conversations. I like how collective he is :) He seemed really happy..lucy :')
So on my way home I ate mines. The person he got it from gave him2 hits for free, so he gave me 3<3
As I ate them my body felt weird and was very optimistic it was her. As I got out the car to open my house doors I felt. Strange. i'm not tweaked out by whats happening but the thought that it might actually be her. I smoke a bowl and when I smoked the bowl I was numb so I know she was coming.
One thing I love about LSD is when you look somewhere and look away and something looks odd and you get that "damn im tripping" thought. It is where the journey begins.
I was alone in my room, I think im weird for being okay to drop cid alone. But I think its the best because it gets you deep into thought. Although the whole time I was wishing I could share my experience with friends :"(

I started to trip really fucking hard at first. When you eat it it hits you really hard all at once but slowly you start to get use to it because it cools down. It was her,
seriously inside my head I pictured a parade for about 10 minutes. It made me really happy someone was really genuinely nice to give some away to someone he didn't know. Not because it was poison but it was her. It gave me faith in humanity lol
It is 2 am and my parents are asleep so I cant be that loud. Im tripping so everything sounds loud from my heart beat to the steps I was taking. I listened to music and drew. I drew some really weird shit, I wasn't in the mood to draw. My room began to shift and move in all sorts of directions. I was getting TONS of visuals Everything looked weird, one thing that made sense was my yellow submarine holographic frame. It looked normal, I felt like it made sense. I watched a sublime concert and admired bradly deeply. I can feel and see the passion in every note he hits. I could see that he is a beautiful as soul who inspires me daily and sound alleviates my soul.
That day I realizes how much I love the beatles.

I heard this sing and felt genuinely happy. I felt like a child again. I was spinning in circles and dancing. I was SO happy. I felt like how I felt as a little girl.
The beatles made me very happy.
I listen to the doors and jim...goddamnitt lol He is so soul full

I had such beautiful thoughts. The only bad thought I had was that I thought javi would think I died If I didnt reply to his texts. I hate phones on acid. I hated the internet. I only used youtube and iTunes during my trip lol social networks always weird me out on cid for some reason.

It was really weird. I had a trip about my friend. Im not even sure if I like him as much as I say, I think I like him more as a friend. Or idk cus I always say this shit. On cid it made a lot of sense.
im not sad about anything, lucy let me know that everything is going to be okay as long as I strive and put my heart and soul into what I wanna do. By that I mean furthering my education, getting a job and move out. I really felt it that I needa move out. I felt so trapped in my house. I also need to get healthy. I was really really really cold at the peek of my trip. Being anemic sucks, I need to make better decisions and get healthier. I meditated and stretched and felt fucking awesome. I had a lot of balance on cid. I didn't stop tripping till 10am.
Those 8hours were the most fun I had in a long time.
I also realized how strong my mental is. I was in the washroom peeing and my floor looked like it was infested with maggots. I was like wtf but wasn't scared. If it was for real I would of but my mind knows im tripping and its not :p

The Dark side of the moon

 

This is what I am currently listening to  :) I went outside to smoke a bowl and left to door open so it wouldn't squeak since I wanted to pack another and then my dad came out :o i was like uhh i was going outside to give my neighbor a tampon lmfao he didn't buy it but accepted it and went to bed. He's not retarded he knows I went to smoke.
So.. I started to tell my ex my feelings for him. We began to discuss them for a bit but he hasn't text me back.. I don't know what to think right now. Probably because I am on Xanax.
I never liked Xanax but its literally keeping me from feeling Shit. Why hasn't he replied, hes online... and i said something really important.  My mentality is on fuck it mode cus of the bar.
It's a coincidence i ate it too. I didn't like it because it makes me  sleepy. But that is why i took it today cus i took like a 5 hour nap -____-
Let me just rant for a bit:
FUCK YOU JAVI.
you have time to get online but not reply to what i said that took no courage but effort because the moment felt right to tell you and that rarely happens. I guess you just are more twisted that i thought i can handle. But it is what it is. I hope when i sober up i'm still me.
I hate questioning my existence.

But i shouldn't let one person allow them to break me down mentally. There is so many other fishes in the sea.
I hate that im so complicated.
&this is when i hug Erick and feel okay.

6969

Do you believe that our story is already written or our story is being written by ourselves? I often think its a balance of both. Astrology makes me believe it is already because our existence is already written in the stars. Astrology is fucking crazy. I feel like finding a good book on it and learning more about it. I also want to read a book about dreams.

  It's alright not to know the answer to everything but I have so many questions. My birthday is July 17th, my element is water. I am a cancer, a little crab:3 pinch pinch lol

What the stars say:
Crabs live in the inter-tidal zone of the oceans, where tides rise and fall twice every day. This is the most dynamic and changeful place on earth, but also the most nutrient rich. Because of the constant change, Cancer have developed a hard outer shell for protection. Cancer can use the hard outer shell of your home as your protection. But it's more than just that. Typically, your sensitive Cancer can hold your feelings quietly behind your own walls.

Crabs also have large pinching claws, and Cancer can hold onto things, especially from the past. Cancer are fiercely loyal and have a difficult time letting go. But Cancer are also quick to bring those you love inside the safety of your outer shell while you nurture them. Cancer love is protective, but unless tempered, can be smothering.

Cancer motto could be, "A good defense is the best offense." Like a Crab in its cave, your attack can consist of baiting your opponent into your territory. What appears to be a retreat to others can be your best aggressive tactic. As you feel your way through life, building your security by developing your home and family relationships, remember that unexpressed anger can turn into resentment and depression, so find someone you can trust and share your feelings.

Element: Water

Astrologically, the water element symbolizes emotion. Water runs deep; it seeks its own level and will flow until it has found it. The cycle of water is endless with the snows falling in the mountains and melting. The mountain streams join to make the great rivers that run to the sea. The tides and currents churn the oceans. Similarly, our feelings are flowing as they connect the present with past experiences. Sometimes the waters are so deep that we cannot put words to our feelings.

Your Biggest Strength: Your ability to nurture others

Your Potential Weakness: Fear of the past repeating in the future

I am totally a cancer.
Cancers and virgos compliment each other. I am water as they are earth.
The person I like is a virgo. I don't think i've dated anyone who isn't a virgo lol I'd love to date a Taurus ^____^

Virgo and Cancer

When Cancer and Virgo make a love match, a strong, down-to-earth relationship with staying power is the happy result. This is a relationship with great potential to get better and better over the passing years. Both Cancer and Virgo are goal-oriented and disciplined. They are sincere and devoted to one another and share a strong sense of purpose. No lightweight love here: These two were not really built for flings! Cancer and Virgo deeply admire one another: Virgo respects Cancer’s quiet strength and dedication while Cancer appreciates Virgo’s keen adaptability and intelligence.

These lovers may get off to a slow start, but over time, bonds will only grow stronger. The Cancer-Virgo love match prides itself on common sense and strong principles over fluff and inconsequential or fleeting connections. They enjoy the material comforts of life, but they will only feel good about their bounty if it has come as a result of honest hard work. There could be tiffs if Virgo becomes too critical for Cancer’s easily bruised feelings; Cancer needs to understand that it’s just Virgo’s nature to point out what they observe, that it’s not a personal attack. A Virgo may bristle at their Cancer mate’s stubborn streak, but it’s a trait that a patient and understanding love partner like Virgo could come to appreciate. Also, Virgo’s urge to serve suits Cancer’s affectionate, nurturing nature well.

The Moon (Emotion) rules Cancer, and Mercury (Communication) rules Virgo. Though they’re very different planets, they’re both near the Sun and therefore always in one another’s neighborhoods. The Moon is a mothering influence; it’s about cultivation and fostering growth, which are both central concerns for Cancer. Mercury is all about communication, and it’s an androgynous energy — Virgo will adapt and take on the form that it chooses, the guise that best serves a situation. Virgo takes an intellectual approach to life (especially compared to the emotional Cancer), but still manages to be perceptive and intuitive enough to figure others out if they choose. Good thing for the Crab, then, that a Virgo mate can get a feel for devotion and domestic fulfillment if that’s what their Cancer lover desires. These two won’t argue about fulfilling one another’s needs. They’ll work at it and relish the rewards of their conscientiousness.

Cancer is a Water Sign, and Virgo is an Earth Sign. Earth Signs, true to their name, are down-to-earth, but they can also be materialistic and preoccupied with acquisition. The Cancer-Virgo love partners like to surround themselves with comfortable, well-crafted things. Water Signs rely on feeling and intuition, making Cancer the emotive force behind this relationship, in a subtle Cancer way, of course. Along with their desire for prosperity, their love of a fancy home life ensures that this couple will work hard toward this shared goal. Also, they’re practical pair, and losing control is never really an issue.

Cancer is a Cardinal Sign, and Virgo is a Mutable Sign. While Cancer gets things going, Virgo thrives on a changing routine of responsibilities and challenges. Because they’re so ubiquitous, Virgo will find a place in Cancer’s plans if they really want to. Virgo will keep in mind Cancer’s plans, and will eventually bring results even if Cancer has moved on.
What’s the best aspect of Cancer-Virgo relationship? Their dedication to working toward the same goals. Both partners in this love match enjoy a stable home life and nice things, and Virgo truly enjoys helping Cancer along the way to achieving their goals. Their shared goals and desires make theirs a highly compatible love match.

Well excuse me stars lol. Shittt I felt like I just read my story. It's part of the reason it keeps me going.

 

I be high, I be low

This song shows that life truly is a balance

This song really makes me think of the balance of life. Every time I go into a deep depressing mindset, it always means because something really good is going to happen afterwards. You know, cause life is a balance :)

 

 

I be high:

1. When my bank account has a reasonable amount of money. I have more options on what to do with my days.
2. Comforting my friends or when they comfort me. They know exactly what to say sometimes:)
3. When its my turn to have numi and she's over my house, or when we take naps at her dads house. Meet numi jaimes perez :>

 

 



                                She is my unicorn baby and that's elyphante lol

 

4. When I have a pleasant trip and made my money worth it.

5. Learning new music

6. Helping someone mentally; I want to be a therapist

7. Seeing old friends unexpectedly

8. Rolling in the summer with javi and bike riding with him.

9. Summer nights

10. Buying something on sale

11.Making new friends

12. Having a new love interest

13. Listening to music on the train

14. Label bombing

15. When I add something new to my room

16. When I have some weed to smoke

17. When I get a new tattoo

18. Going to a show

19. When I see my shadow because I can see how long my hair is down my back

20. When I open my second drawer, I swear my life is like in there...



 

21. When I lose weight and gain muscle mass.

22. Knowing your place in someone's life and how special you are to them

                                                     

                                                      I be low:

1. When I get some bunk ass lucy, Do you not test your drugs before you sell them?

2. When a friend is sad, it's like I can feel their sadness and I just want to wash it all away.

Look ely, we took this picture when you were really sad. It makes me happy you don't seem this way anymore :D

 





4. This song sometimes still gets to me. Ugh can time just hurry the fuck up >.<

 

6. When I gain weight in such a short amount of time. Its fucking retarded.

7. When my glass breaks :(

8. Not having enough money to do anything, not even ride the bus

9. When the weather doesn't let me ride my bike.

10. When I can't express myself

11. Feeling hopeless in finding a job

12. When I argue with my parents

13. questioning my existence

14. When I get really drunk, I hate the person I am when i'm really hammered(why I don't drink anymore)

15. When I realize I can't connect with anyone

16. Feeling like this one person is the only one for me

17. When I fall into depression and don't want to see anyone

19. Forgetting that there is more to life than a love life

20. When the guy I like flirts with a girl, it automatically makes me feel she is better than I

21. When they don't have the Arizona I want :(

22. Not having enough money to travel

23. School

24. Failing at what I want to major in

25. Not feeling smart enough, I need Adderall to concentrate. I just simply can't focus on something I don't want to

26. Being a human and giving into temptation

27. Living at home sometimes interferes with the person I want to transition to

28. Paying bills

29. Feeling small because the universe is so damn big, although we are it,

30. Not being able to get the tattoos I want because of the place I want them in. I cant hide my hands:(

 

Songs That make me feel optimistic about life :)

This one time my friends sister was on ecstacy and got emotional over her past and was crying :( I talked to her and she felt better. I put this song on her and she bursted laugh and a smile. I mean, who can be mad at this song :) It reminds me of skipping with aumi on ecstacy at 5 am on a summer morning <3

THE BEATLES MAKE ME VERY HAPPY

 

Rather you like to accept it or not, we all have an angel and a devil in our head. Stay happy and be the pure soul you are. Keep yourself sane and attract positivity into your life. I think spirituality is the key to an easier life. You will really learn to accept life. Acceptance is the key to everything.