Tumblr post from 3 months ago, this person died

Why do the randomest shit happens to me?
I had a very very interesting weekend. It all started by going to visit Erick. It was a very pleasant visit, we got to catch up, saw his mom and his brother and then Adrian came over. I missed him. Adrian & Erick dropped me off at aumi’s. Erick is such a sweetheart. he gave us 5  rolls for 45 lmao.
I got to aumi’s and ben was there with his usual shit that he has villes and shit. BUST EM OUT THEN! Andrea(ganayaya) came over with his two friends adre and idr other dudes name lol. They had a massive amount of cocaine. We we’re smoking weed and I did about a line or 2. So we head over to the party and didn’t get in cus it was packed and it didn’t look worth our time, so we left. We go to another party and saw a couple of old friends I haven’t seen since I raved. Rave after parties are even lame as fuck! The house was interesting though because it was an actual home so they had lots of painting to look at. I thought it was hilarious that they have speakers In their washroom so when the dj was spinning, I could hear him while I potty hahhaha
Then Lady raven showed up, I actually wanted to see her spin but we left. We go to burleys house, THAT WAS HIS NAME!! He had an interesting home. So we all go and take our rolls and they had theirs. It was a relaxing roll. I had an interesting convo with andre about ATB. He was really cool.
 Burley and Andrea leave to pickup some bud. Burley had a big ass piece of gum dipped in acid atleast 10 times. He left it out for a couple days so he thinks the acid disintegrated. But there was only one way to find out, he dosed me and aumi and yupp that shit worked. And it was lucy too. I wouldn’t call it a pleasant experience though. I was in a crowded room, overflowing with thoughts. When I was on acid I couldn’t connect with my surroundings for a while. I didn’t talk for a while which is unusual.
On the daily everyone has a battle to fight, at least I think so. I fight with Rambo everyday. He makes me confused to the point I don’t even know what emotion I am trying to express. I confuse sadness and anger. I cant cry. As much as I try I cant, I wish I could though. It usually makes me feel better. I don’t know how to release tension so out of instinct I punch shit. I don’t want to do that because lately I been fucking my hands up, with my way of thinking i’m sure that ill break it one day. Last week I thought I did because it got swollen.
Let me explain my trip
I began to have a mental trip. Thinking very pleasant thoughts then out of no where I got trippier and began to think a lot. The voice in your head gets a lot louder. It felt like Rambo was trying to split my soul apart. He tends to say some bogus as shit. At that moment I was broke. I hate to think how much society has got the best of me. I began to think about money and all the goals I want to achieve require lots of it. I began to feel broke as hell and began to think how much my life revolves around it, I fucking hate it. I began to think about college and wished how I was smarter. I began to think about the boy I like and questioned my appearance. I wish I had the money to look nicer and own nicer things. I began to think about who I am. Am I content with it? Should I be nicer? Will that make me an easy target for people? Then it made me think if selfishness. I was on the path to making everything happen but over someone’s selfishness I couldn’t :( damn you ugly manager of mine. I Really don’t want to have to sell drugs to make ends meet. It makes me paranoid as shit sometimes. Some people say too much over the phone or act too loud in public. We’re not dealing with weed here..A different level of schedule drugs. Stupid as money. I just want to finish school (not so smart), move out my parents house (money), Get a job(money) and move to California(money)
I sometimes have the thought that I underestimate myself, But that is the daily battle I have. I cant cry, and I have one thought after another pileing up like a game of jenga. I have a VERY powerful mind though, I should learn to use It in a positive way, but that Is my daily battle. I seriously feel like I’ve been depressed for a while but I don’t like showing it because I don’t want others to absorb the negative energy I am sending. At this point I am  fucking going insane in my head. I think I have strong mental, life is a balance. I honestly feel like my thoughts are a game of jenga, I feel I am capable to taking one block and making the whole thing collapse like the actual game. I feel like if I let go, I can completely fall into insanity. No its not the drugs, I can pull that switch sober. Then I began to think about the guy I like and how he told me that day he was moving to vegas. That shit just weirded me the fuck out. I don’t even wanna get into that.
I felt weird as shit around people in that mindset. I love aumi, I feel like she can sense it. But at that point,i couldn’t even connect with her. I ate a brownie with a little bit of mushrooms and then I felt relaxed but still thinking. Me and aumi left around 6 am. Ben stayed there idk why all drunk and coked out lmfao Goddamit does Andre love cocaine. I accept everyone for who they are because most drug users I know doesn’t make then all they are, it just adds on to their personality.
I couldn’t connect with aumi until we arrived at her house. I began to cry a river. My tears we’re hitting the floor, something I been wanting for so long. I love lucy she makes me feel more humanistic after I trip. I Think something’s psychologically wrong with me. I think I need therapy, but with what money. I am too prideful to ask my parents for money. I’m about to be 20, its not their responsibility to give me money when I have a job. Me and aumi began to talk about everything, I felt connected to her. I changed mindsets. That what real friends are for, they say the right things to make you feel better. She said she never had a friend who is as good to her as I. I never had one that is as good to me as her. We wanna be friends forever in this lifetime and travel and do all sorts of shit. She battles with the money issue to. She really doesn’t wanna enlist but she cant afford college. She wants to study something that benefits the world but makes no money from it really, she truly is an angel. I wish I wasn’t so selfish sometimes. I Wish I could stop eating meat lol But I cant.. I wish I wasn’t selfish in other ways. Things started to look brighter after we talked and such. Thank you lucy, but most importantly thank you Aumi.
I was tripping still like at 10 am. I had no sleep and was gonna work till 5 am that day. I went to work feeling like I had a good rest even though I couldn’t hide the bags under my eyes, told you I have a strong mental.