To someone who is really talented it looks like shit lol. But yes, this is a thought expressed in a different manner. I been so in balance with myself I feel I gained my artistic mojo back. I am going to conserve this feeling as long as I can. I want to be able to paint the canvases in my own home. My sister was never an artsy girl. One summer she spend it in her room. At the end of the summer she showed me why she stood in her room. She did a portrait of me in pencil. A really nice portrait too. I believe in the law of attraction. Also the responses the universe gives you. I will get better :)
I use to think someone completed me.
I use to think that I was not existent without him.
I use to think I was worthless.
I use to give you my inner peace.
Funny how shit changes.
You're a part of my life, not my life.
I can breathe.
I can do things with out you.
I can smile without you being the reason.
I have a purpose.
I live my purpose.
I embrace it everyday
You're part of the reason why I live my purpose
You let me help you.
And I did
I decided not to study psychology. I feel as if I naturally have the instinct to help people and I have. I feel my wisdom is strong enough to fix people on my own time. What we need to focus on is youth and remind children to take their time growing up.
I want our new generation to be better than ours. Our target is children.
What's better than being these childrens influence. I want to be the teacher a child never forgets, their favorite. I'll have a blast observing my students. My atmosphere is nothing but a bunch of naturally tripping mini people lol lovely.
Why do the randomest shit happens to me?
I had a very very interesting weekend. It all started by going to visit Erick. It was a very pleasant visit, we got to catch up, saw his mom and his brother and then Adrian came over. I missed him. Adrian & Erick dropped me off at aumi’s. Erick is such a sweetheart. he gave us 5 rolls for 45 lmao.
I got to aumi’s and ben was there with his usual shit that he has villes and shit. BUST EM OUT THEN! Andrea(ganayaya) came over with his two friends adre and idr other dudes name lol. They had a massive amount of cocaine. We we’re smoking weed and I did about a line or 2. So we head over to the party and didn’t get in cus it was packed and it didn’t look worth our time, so we left. We go to another party and saw a couple of old friends I haven’t seen since I raved. Rave after parties are even lame as fuck! The house was interesting though because it was an actual home so they had lots of painting to look at. I thought it was hilarious that they have speakers In their washroom so when the dj was spinning, I could hear him while I potty hahhaha
Then Lady raven showed up, I actually wanted to see her spin but we left. We go to burleys house, THAT WAS HIS NAME!! He had an interesting home. So we all go and take our rolls and they had theirs. It was a relaxing roll. I had an interesting convo with andre about ATB. He was really cool.
Burley and Andrea leave to pickup some bud. Burley had a big ass piece of gum dipped in acid atleast 10 times. He left it out for a couple days so he thinks the acid disintegrated. But there was only one way to find out, he dosed me and aumi and yupp that shit worked. And it was lucy too. I wouldn’t call it a pleasant experience though. I was in a crowded room, overflowing with thoughts. When I was on acid I couldn’t connect with my surroundings for a while. I didn’t talk for a while which is unusual. On the daily everyone has a battle to fight, at least I think so. I fight with Rambo everyday. He makes me confused to the point I don’t even know what emotion I am trying to express. I confuse sadness and anger. I cant cry. As much as I try I cant, I wish I could though. It usually makes me feel better. I don’t know how to release tension so out of instinct I punch shit. I don’t want to do that because lately I been fucking my hands up, with my way of thinking i’m sure that ill break it one day. Last week I thought I did because it got swollen. Let me explain my trip
I began to have a mental trip. Thinking very pleasant thoughts then out of no where I got trippier and began to think a lot. The voice in your head gets a lot louder. It felt like Rambo was trying to split my soul apart. He tends to say some bogus as shit. At that moment I was broke. I hate to think how much society has got the best of me. I began to think about money and all the goals I want to achieve require lots of it. I began to feel broke as hell and began to think how much my life revolves around it, I fucking hate it. I began to think about college and wished how I was smarter. I began to think about the boy I like and questioned my appearance. I wish I had the money to look nicer and own nicer things. I began to think about who I am. Am I content with it? Should I be nicer? Will that make me an easy target for people? Then it made me think if selfishness. I was on the path to making everything happen but over someone’s selfishness I couldn’t :( damn you ugly manager of mine. I Really don’t want to have to sell drugs to make ends meet. It makes me paranoid as shit sometimes. Some people say too much over the phone or act too loud in public. We’re not dealing with weed here..A different level of schedule drugs. Stupid as money. I just want to finish school (not so smart), move out my parents house (money), Get a job(money) and move to California(money)
I sometimes have the thought that I underestimate myself, But that is the daily battle I have. I cant cry, and I have one thought after another pileing up like a game of jenga. I have a VERY powerful mind though, I should learn to use It in a positive way, but that Is my daily battle. I seriously feel like I’ve been depressed for a while but I don’t like showing it because I don’t want others to absorb the negative energy I am sending. At this point I am fucking going insane in my head. I think I have strong mental, life is a balance. I honestly feel like my thoughts are a game of jenga, I feel I am capable to taking one block and making the whole thing collapse like the actual game. I feel like if I let go, I can completely fall into insanity. No its not the drugs, I can pull that switch sober. Then I began to think about the guy I like and how he told me that day he was moving to vegas. That shit just weirded me the fuck out. I don’t even wanna get into that.
I felt weird as shit around people in that mindset. I love aumi, I feel like she can sense it. But at that point,i couldn’t even connect with her. I ate a brownie with a little bit of mushrooms and then I felt relaxed but still thinking. Me and aumi left around 6 am. Ben stayed there idk why all drunk and coked out lmfao Goddamit does Andre love cocaine. I accept everyone for who they are because most drug users I know doesn’t make then all they are, it just adds on to their personality.
I couldn’t connect with aumi until we arrived at her house. I began to cry a river. My tears we’re hitting the floor, something I been wanting for so long. I love lucy she makes me feel more humanistic after I trip. I Think something’s psychologically wrong with me. I think I need therapy, but with what money. I am too prideful to ask my parents for money. I’m about to be 20, its not their responsibility to give me money when I have a job. Me and aumi began to talk about everything, I felt connected to her. I changed mindsets. That what real friends are for, they say the right things to make you feel better. She said she never had a friend who is as good to her as I. I never had one that is as good to me as her. We wanna be friends forever in this lifetime and travel and do all sorts of shit. She battles with the money issue to. She really doesn’t wanna enlist but she cant afford college. She wants to study something that benefits the world but makes no money from it really, she truly is an angel. I wish I wasn’t so selfish sometimes. I Wish I could stop eating meat lol But I cant.. I wish I wasn’t selfish in other ways. Things started to look brighter after we talked and such. Thank you lucy, but most importantly thank you Aumi.
I was tripping still like at 10 am. I had no sleep and was gonna work till 5 am that day. I went to work feeling like I had a good rest even though I couldn’t hide the bags under my eyes, told you I have a strong mental.
Which is why sometimes I doubt myself in my profession. I really want to do psychology but sometimes I double think it. Which I should take as a sign.
I feel I practice the moral of therapy everyday: Helping someone
What if I don't want to psychology? What I ultimately want is to help people and give them a better direction in life.
I'm glad my parents support me in ant career chose. If I said I wanted to pursue my career in like film or photography, they would support me. Not that I'm into any of those things lol But a lot of people pressure their children into getting a career career. Not a hobby.
My parents would, because they just want me to be happy doing something I love.
What I love is giving people an awakening
I do it daily now. I spread it through my stickers which is what my energy is mostly aimed at now a days. But I do try spirituality connect with someone on the daily verbally.
The other day I changed life perspectives with an old friend and our beliefs are totally different. She gained knowledge on my perspective and opened her mind to the idea I have.
Yesterday I Asked my mom "What do you think will happen once we die"
She said "We leave our body but I'm not sure where we will go"
I explained my beliefs how we are an energy and what we let out are vibrations which is what responds. I feel like since I gained the secret to the universe I really am in control. Also because I am always in balance. My energy is always restored daily and not to mention the cleansings I do with my crystals. Spirituality is not a religion. Its the path to your getting in touch with yourself.
Religion is something that upsets me sometimes and how gullible people are to believe in one thing when they know nothing about the others. Why praise someone your not educated about?
If only they knew its themselves helping themselves, not the lord.
My moms not religious so this wasn't a problem.
I told her all the gods people believe in are gods because they had a higher power and used it for good and turned the life around for people which is why they praise them..in their time.
Do you know how long ago this earth was created? How many events have happened? I don't think people give enough credit to the sun and moon. They are my rulers.
The sun shines and the moon illuminates our nights, our source of light.
It is what restores me in the day time and at night when I sleep.
I told my mom its hard being a human being if she has noticed. I explained to her how id rather be a stray dog in this city. Animals don't think about money or time. They don't care what they look like either. They're free. I explained how what if a house dog who has it all is an orphan boy who died that always wanted a home. He would be recarnated into something
It changed her outlook on animals. I tell her that my friends pets I feel connected to as if they were their siblings or child. I love bibi,pepper,puchy,toby,lego,blackie,max,kylie and loue so much. Theyre all friends to me. Their not JUST animals. Their souls trapped in an animals body. It makes them an animal to wanna hump like lego lmfao. Imagine if lego was a person AND BIBI !!! lmao omg im dying. I told my mom we have to be kind to all animals. I told her about my friend aumi and how she believes shes an earth worm before. I told her I believe I was once a panda bear.
After I explained ALL my beliefs, she says "I think I was a cat before" lol:) SHES SO FUCKING CUTE
I feel like my parents have been sleeping for so long. Everyone needs an awakening. Especially them since their older.
I think they will get it when they retire, when they feel they kicked lifes ass. They raised some good kids. I'm content with how things are. Me putting out these positive vibrations everyday pay me back in one way or another. I'd still do it even if I got nothing in return. :)
i cried SO many times from joy today heheheh thru all the spiritual context i put myself thru and the connections i made, not even talking in reality but just tpying on facebookk, sucha a bueaitufl thing
lmao I love my friends.
Matthew probably woulda been like the fuck.
I love how some people can just be people :)
But he must of been really happy. I haven't cried out of joy since Christmas. It was uncontrollable and beautiful.
That I was too prideful to ask my parents for money at an early age. I accept it but wish I could have been different to see the kind of person i'd be. As a child I feel our minds are more aware yet again more curious then anything. Sometimes I wish I would of asked to enroll me in art classes or some kind of dance or influenced me to play an instrument.
As a kid I always saw how on tv parents were bothered when their child asked for things like that because they'd after say "Do you remember when you wanted to do ballet, or gymnastics or piano lessons" Years later I see the beauty in it. A young innocent mind wandering and exploring the different ideas of fulfilling happiness hoping they'll fall in love with one of them.
I use to always think it was a bad thing.
I often heard my parents stories on how we had it so good because my mom use to use rocks as dolls because they were so poor. I use to have a Barbie dream house with cars and multiple dolls. I had all the toys I wanted because my dad would offer to take us to toys r us on the weekends. I always accepted my parents gifts but I always felt weird asking for things.
As weird as it sounds id feel my soul tare apart when id tell my dad I wanted a PlayStation or something and he would say no. It was usually really The feeling of getting said no to really hurt. It was usually things that were overly priced or an electronic. Im not sure what it is but its like my parents implanted several ideas into my head. I think that was one of them.
I always wanted to do ballet when I was little. My sister thought it was stupid, she's someone who also made things sound silly to me, so silly I'd believe them.
I'd always fear my parents would say no. Them saying no ment only one thing, It's not worth paying the money.
I just never bothered to ask. I wish I did, I wonder if my fresh little mind would of fell in love with something that I could of said "oh I been doing this for 12 years"
When I was 15 I asked for therapy and my mom said No. She thought I was okay.
At that time ms.cooper opened up my mind to therapy. I began to talk to her because my teacher knew I was off.
I felt..bad. It made me feel right about all those times I refused to speak my mind.
I really feel like I need to get away from my family. Not because I hate them but because I love them. I cant transition into the person I want with them trying to make me feel as what I do is wrong.
My sister is someone who is still the same little girl I use to play with. My sister has honestly put me through so much, emotionally. She still does because she is the only person who makes me lose control within myself. She is the only person when she talks I just wanna bash every idea she has. Because I feel everything she has to say is stupid, possibly cus it is.
I always try to talk to her but she just doesn't seem interested. When she talks to me she seems so exited to talk about our childhood when im just like ehh. I love and hate her all at the same time.
Sometimes I wonder why she is the way she is. Shes been that way ever since we were younger.
I sometimes feel the intimidation of my cousin made her feel that way. My cousin apparently pisses glitter now lmao
It's crazy giving your soul to someone else. Letting them have control over it when you don't even know it.
Today I see things differently. Even though I dislike her most of the time I try my hardest not to let her control me. She is the only person I snapp at without having a control over it. I got better at that but she makes me forget. She also made me realize through her example that she is someone I never wish to be. I feel as she finds excitement in negativity or maybe shes misunderstood.
ill never know, everytime I ask she shuts me down. I feel bad for her.
My parents kinda just learnd to accept her when they should have been trying to change it.
I remember telling my mom when I was little that she needed anger management. I was tired of physically fighting with her when she was gone at work or in general. I wish she didn't ignore my request. maybe she would of been better now.
I sometimes wanna remind my mom about this but im afraid of hurting her feelings and making her feel she failed as a parent.
I use to look at them and wanted to be the opposite. They seemed too uptight and cared about the wrong things. sometimes I wish they didn't have kids so early so they would of enjoyed their years. Sometimes I feel that doesn't exist in their world.
I take them all as an example of who I don't want to be, just in that category.
My dad is one of the most intelligent people I know. Intelligence isn't measured by the amount of books you read. My dad didn't even finish grammer school...
but knows how to do all sorts of things that require material I learned at school. Where did he learn it from then? Intelligent man. I mean come onnnn he can like build a fucking house lmao
My mother is just an angel. She is such a momma bear :)
I don't want to make my parents seem like they're bad people, im just focusing on their flaws as of now.
I accepted my past because I grew from it. I didn't get influenced by my sister to become like her.
I snapped out of it after a while and stop letting her control me so much.
I know the pleasures of life and found out what I like and don't.
I don't need therapy anymore. I did it all on my own.
I've never felt so in control with my life. Its been a long strange trip
When I talk to Aumi and who I use to be and how I perceived myself is such a mind fuck. Because I have no energy to be that person again. Sometimes I feel like if the right person does the wrong thing it can get me there again. Being so scared of the world and knowing human beings are cruel. I always felt like someone was out to intentionally hurt me.
I think of my old friends and how we no longer hold a close bond. Its still all love because I randomly pop up and tell them that I love them and miss them. But not enough to go see them, realistically. I think that's what that means even if we don't wanna admit it.
Kevin never wanted to come visit me and I feel like that's why we fell apart. Not that he had bad intentions, he was just lazy lol.
Andrea now has a baby girl. I see her like every 6 months but as of lately I haven't seen her. Its always been a problem to see her. Her friendship is one I do miss. I've never found anyone like it again.
We use to take tons of pictures and stay on the phone for hours. We'd 3 way call the boys we liked and stayed on mute. We made fun of the guys we liked. We liked the same guys and never found it weird lmao. she would always come over after school. I liked going to school cause of her. Id text her all day in class my freshman year. I got her to try pot for her first time with me lol She was such an angel, she would do about almost anything for me.
My parents adore her.
I'm not saying that my friends don't amount to her but its a different kind of friendship.
The kind you cant repeat because of the time it took place.
I can no longer gain my grammar school days, that person no longer exist.
I remember trying to distance myself from her because I felt it was too good to be true that a good person came into my life. It was fucking weird. But it didn't work. She was ment to stay.
She now has a baby girl. We had lunch when she was pregnant and told me everything as I did the same. It feels awesome not seeing someone for a while, I feel I have more to say than I already do.
Men are such douchebags, her daughter is beautiful. She was big brown eyes :)
She will start working at a hospital by my house. So I can see her more often.
Good news to lighten up my day.
I feel im on the path to find my inner peace because I don't want to live how I use to. I often feel I will fall into insanity if the right event to trigger it happens. It haunts me that day will come.
That's why I no longer want to let others control my inner peace.
I have came such a long way from who I use to be. I learned acceptance and to find joy in the smaller things in life. also finding explanations to the things people don't often understand but experience daily. such as feeling weird when someone you don't like walks into the room or saying something then it happening.
I am a spiritual being having a human experience. I am nothing but stardust molded into a 3 dimensional object called a body. My soul is trapped until its time to become something new.
The secrets to the universe are revealed if you think in frequency, energy and vibration.
The universe responds to my positive vibrations on the daily. Everyday this month something good has happened to me.
Yesterday I bought some cds to fill my wall, with cds I want of course lol
They were 1.99 each but the lady charged me 99 cents for each one and didn't charge me for one :)
I wonder what made her do that. I wonder if all the bags I was carrying that day had anything to do with it lmao.
Dying of thirst, I went to do my eye brows and the guy said water bottles were for customers :D I was so happy, very grateful because my mind wasn't processing anything else but I WANT WATER.
Then sarah, the owner of ggdub sent me a package.She said she wanted to send me a gift and it was the shitt!! it was my motivated stoners shirt that they sell on the online store, a bunch of hemp wick (beeline my fav), and a bunch of raw papers and stickers :) I was so happy.
THEN....
I got my sublime pin. Nate sent me zig zag blunt wraps and the cutest little spoon ever just because. Ima use it as a scooper for my kief. My pin collection is gonna grow. I want to get some pins im not too crazy about so I can trade them at festivals this summer for some that I want or will mean something. Im determine to make my hat collection grow. Im waiting for my galaxy medical marijuana one in the mail.
ALSO ITS MAY. Summercamp is on the 24th
OBJECTIVE:
Put 140 aside for bills
and the rest is for scamp.
I have 4 weeks to come up with money for my bills, which ill defenitly make in one week lol meaning I'll have my bills paid while im enjoying myself as well:)
I'm too prideful to ask my parents for money. I don't know how some people my age do it.
My boss said he is gonna buy the restaurant completely by summer. He said that he doesn't want me to go anywhere. That im going to work weekdays and he is going to make sure I make good money so I wont go anywhere else. He really likes me as a person because he can trust me. I have the opportunity to steal money when he makes me count it. I mean, im sitting in a room with no camera with about 2 ,000 in singles taking a few isn't obvious but it doesn't make it right either. Its the devil in my head that says to do it but the angel in my soul says no. I end up making good money anyways at the end of the night. Is a few dollars really worth letting Rambo win, nope.
It's all because I am in balance and in control. Change one element of your life and it change it completely.
I'm grateful for the sun who gives me light and positive direction.
I'm grateful for the moon who illuminates my nights where it lets me shine, if you catch my drift.
I been painting and getting recognition for my work by those who know who I am. I wonder what those who don't know what I am think of it.lol
Life is good.
Thank you universe.
Sometimes I feel the better I get at transitioning, the better I get transitioning in life. For some odd reason I feel this connects to life in a certain way, atleast to me. The more watery I feel inside, watery enough for people to see im made out of water, the better I am at handling life. I can make anything connect.
Today I bought redbloodhotsugarchillisexpeppersmagik and something for ely too :)
I found it odd that I don't own a sublime cd. Its me...like wtf lol So I bought my favorite one
40 OZ TO FREEDOM! I think its hilarious they credit the guy who took the bong rips in "smoke two joints" his name is Chris Hauser hahahaha
I bought it at the exchange cus reckless record had NO sublime cd's. They we're all sold out.
I didn't mind, its understandable. Its sublime DUH....nah jk I didn't care cus I knew next door would have a shit ton of them lmao
My total was 7.65
I had 7.25
I suggested to pay with debit since I didn't have exact currency. The guy ringing me up said it was cool cus he liked my hat. IM SO FORTUNATE FOR MY ASH KETCHUM HAT I LOVE IT.
He said it was a pokemon discount lmfao
Matthew complemented me on how I look good with hats, I agree.
This summer my heads gonna be happy.
I don't like my hats forward or backwards. I cant help but either put it to the left or right.
My mom hates it lmao. She thinks ima get shot. sorry mumzy, but if I get shot. It was for a good cause.
lmao.
I JUST FEEL SO HAPPY & GIGGLY.
Im so happy I didn't buy weed this week. I need to save up. I actually did this week from my paycheck :)
I don't even mind I work 420. Everyday is 420 to me lol
I bombed with Edwin. Yesterday the word of the was feedback.
It felt really nice doing aerosols and busting tags and all. The streets were dead, everything was our playground. So dead that we were walking on opposite streets doing our thing.
He said:
"Did you know that you are the only girl that I know that spits a lot? Not that I find it repulsive, but I thought i'd let you know."
"I noticed I can only only be energetic with a handful amount of people. You are one of them. Like im just like talk talk talk talk"
I also mentioned that silences with him are comfortable. He agreed.
I'm not sure why but I get the vibe from him that he lacks of something. Like he needs a epiphany. I want to give him a different approach on life. Monk panda is up to something.
Laurynas is someone who's silences aren't comfortable yet. On my part they are but on his part they aren't. I sometimes wonder what he thinks of me. Because he pointed out that I looked down when I wasn't. Does he associate silence with sadness? I don't think silence means sadness. It means that someone is caught in a trance in their own mind. Sometimes I feel like I have thoughts that I can't word right.
I've been feeling really strange lately. I really need to get back into school.
I really do wonder what Laurynas thinks of me though. Because we talked about the people we hang out with. He taught me how to properly ask for LSD and what questions to ask to reassure myself what is it. The way he explained things made me feel like i'm not so cautious when I should be.
When we were playing nintento I felt like a fucking mutant cus I didn't know what to do lmao. He was really tweaked out that I wasn't a gamer. I suck at video games. There was a point were I can feel his frustration on how I couldn't get it. I just really suck at them I kept saying lmao
Shortly after he had a talk with me about how ravers that roll their brains out. The tone of voice he said it in was more like in concern. I was thinking to myself, "Does he think i'm one of them" because of the people he knew I associated myself with" I didn't tell him my thoughts though. I wasn't one of those people though.
I kinda just listened and agreed. Lately I been thinking about my past. And its funny that this is pointed out to me. He doesn't believe everything happens for a reason. I do, but my beliefs sometimes change on it.
He believes its because of the energy and vibrations you send out to the universe. Slowly the universe picks it up. I believe he came across my path for a reason. I can tell he is a genuine person maybe we can feed off of each other. We are the same but very different as well. More different than
same.
I find it trippy the way we met lol. I find it funny that he thinks I look like his ex girlfriend. He kept repeating that when I met him haha
What I find really weird that I got delayed and all sorts of shit on my way to his house. I was off my time schedule. He has no phone so we agreed to walk down the same street and eventually see each other by a certain intersection. Right when I hopped off the bus I crossed to the other side as he was walking towards me. I don't think he expected to find me right there and then so when I walked to him he's like success right on time lol. When I make plans with someone im always there before them or them before me. It wasn't like that this time. I hope he becomes a good friend of mine. I admire his approach on life, he is a positive influence.
Lately javi has been tweaking me out. Im not sure if its in his personality or its just me. But he doesn't make effort to see or talk to me anymore.(3days lmfao making it seem eternal) I just feel a change in the air lately. Also a change in my mind set.
I noticed that he doesn't ever wanna just chill. Its always because we are doing some activity.
Like never...that bothers me. Why can't he casually ask me to go sit at a park or for a walk. Ive mention to him numerous times im all about the company not much what we do. It's like he hasn't caught on. I always have to ask and shittt,
If he asks its because we are gonna smoke or do some shit. What if he thinks he NEEDS to entertain me?
Sometimes he says were gonna do something but then goes out and does it with without me. For instance today. Last night he said we would smoke with tony. Today came he is like oh ima smoke blah blah. I didn't mention what he said yesterday cus I figured if he wanted to chill he would ask. He didn't. he has done this before too.
I told him I was tired of making plans with people and them not pulling through. Some people suck lol for instance himself. I told him that some people only chill if its convenient for them. I explained how I like company I don't care so much what we do.
His response:
Yeah I know a lot of people like that and I do that myself sometimes lol
My response:
Well you're not gonna get too far with your convenient mindset.
He never responded.
I wish he was different. Its that mental universe ill never be a part of.
Sometimes I wish he wasn't such a fucking pussy and tell me off or atleast feedback. I sometimes wonder if I intimidate him.
I often feel like I intimidate people. I wish someone would just tell me the fuck off once in a while. I'd admire them more. I think that's what made love me Erick. He wasn't scared to give me his opinions on the things I said. That's when things got weird because we stopped disagreeing on things and started to agree more on things. Weird...
I couldn't really explain to you why I love them so much. As I kept explaining why your mind always seemed to drift away somewhere else(not complaining I think its funny lol) But the thoughts you were having are thoughts I wanted you to conserve and record. I didn't wanna take that away from you :) because I can explain to you anyday why I love them. My love for them wasn't going anywhere.
Bradley is the Singer. Bud is the drummer and eric is the bass player. (I hate the name eric)
AND YOU CANT FORGET LOU DOG!!!!
I can tell they were VERY fond of each other. It most of been hard for the Lou when Bradley died. 5 years later he followed him to heaven. But when he overdosed in his hotel room lou ran towards his dead body. I wonder how he felt, I wonder if they are together today. Lou was a rescue dog. He use to have abusive owners before Bradley adopted him. I'm sure he gave him the love he always desired and deserved. I bet Lou is cooler than tons of people I know I mean look at him, he loves that beanie lmao
Reasons I'm in love with Bradley
Real musicians don't give a fuck about their appearance. They put their all into their music. Look at that big ol beer belly lmao. HE GIVES NO FUCKS. I love how there is kegs in the background
This face reminds me of the song date rape lmao
"Light skin, light blue eyes, a double-chin and a plastic smile"
Young Bradley. I wonder if his son looks anything like him. I cant find pictures of him except these.
He played since he was 12.
He cared about his son so much. He died of a heroin overdose. He knew he was going to lose the war soon. It always makes me wonder how heroin always wins. The only reason why I never pulled through on suicide was because of the immense love for my mother, it would destroy her.
Which reminds me I have to write my suicide letter.
His face lol. straight passion. Whenever I'm tripping I always almost feel as his voice caresses me. It awakens my soul and adds a little color. I can always FEEL the passion of his voice. I often catch myself thinking of pictures or performances that capture the moment like this one. I just picture his mouth moving. He ALWAYS closes his eyes.
My baby had too much fun lol
:)
Behind the music:
Slow ride-
This reminds me when I was at my lowest when I had my first real heartbreak. Someone fell out of love with me as I was falling harder and harder. I can feel how he felt how much I loved him and how he knew he had the pants now. How he knew every little thing I did was out of love.. Bastard.
"She takes her time when it's time to get ready. Always has her way,Always leaves me waiting by the phone"
"And I feel a little lucky so I try to play it cool. I think she laughs inside With the words that burn like fire in my mouth"
"Ask me why I play myself ,Play myself for a fool. Swear that I would do most anything, hey huh! Walk a mile to see her smile, Walk a mile just to rock for a while And babe, I'm thinkin' with my ding-a-ling" "But sitting on the verge of tears Does not become my 22 years. You took my shame and you took my pride and now you're gonna take me for a slow ride"
Scarlet begonias-
When I think of this song I think of The grateful dead version. I love this song because it has more of a house feeling than ska.(what if that os-kaa dude was cool lmao) This song also reminds me of my best friend. Its almost as if he is talking about her.
"She had rings on her fingers and bells on her shoes And I knew without asking she was into the blues " She loves the sax
Also we said we'd try every drug in the song lol.
"A tie-tie-dyed dress , she was a psychedelic mess We toured to the north, south, east and west We sold some mushroom tea, We sold some ecstasy, We sold nitrous, opium, acid, heroin and PCP"
I've only done 3.She has done 5.
TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN: If you think im a kook for wanting to try them, idc lol. I won't go into depth about my thoughts and beliefs." Curiosity kills the cat" The dumb cat atleast lol
40 Oz to Freedom
It reminds me of that binge I went on. I went on a one week binge off alcohol because I was so depressed. Everytime I drank is as if my problems weren't so big or even mattered. Once I sobered up it would all hit me again so i'd try my hardest to drunk . It was a really really weird time in my life to look back at because of how consumed I was in someone that drove me to hurt myself. I never drank 40 0z cus I hate beer. Id get drunk off anything except beer lol. Although this song is about 40 oz(the cheapest fix ever) I always settled with liquor as my friends had 40s. We would still end up in the same place...drunk. I totally feel him.
"But life is one big question when your starin at the clock.And the answers always waiting at the liquor store, 40 oz to Freedom, So I'll take that walk. "
"40 oz to freedom is the only chance I have to feel good, Even though I feel bad. "
Bad Fish-
This song hits home for me<3 It reminds of the same thing as 40 oz to freedom.
When I heard these songs I felt less alone at the time.
"When you grab a hold of me Tell me that I'll never be set free But I'm a parasite creep and crawl I step into the night. Two pints of booze Tell me are you a badfish too? Are you a badfish too? "
"Ain't got no money to spend I know the night will never end Lord knows I'm weak Won't somebody get me off of this reef? "
"I swim but wish I never learned. The water's too polluted with germs"
I was drowning.
What I got-
My interpretation of this song is weed lol. When I first started to smoke I use I really began to see the beauty of things. It taught me to relax and accept things. Like waking up in the morning and being like *sigh* I have to go to work. -takes bong rip- Okay lets suck todays dick!!
"That'swhy I don't cry when my dog runs away,I don't get angry at the bills I have to pay
I don't get angry when my Mom smokes pot. Hits the bottle and goes right to the rock fuckin' and fightin', it's all the same. Livin' with Louie dog's the only way to stay sane Let the lovin', let the lovin' come back to me. "
Right back-
One of my favorite songs. I feel like he puts so much soul into his song. I envision him singing with his eyes closed and head tilted up. One time I tripped and really felt one with this song. I feel he puts so much soul into it because he was trying to get his point across that he was upset. He must be really upset if he feels like he is back in the pen. I don't think jails fun lol He was slowly losing to his addiction. " Sometimes right now since I've left the pen I feel like I'm right back there again. Sometimes I pray, waiting waiting for some bright holiday So I bought myself a gun and I'm right back right back where I'm from."\
"Don't tease me, don't tease me, don't tease me"
Smoke two joints-
I love how they remake songs with their own twist. Like scarlet begonias, used one of krs ones beats (also made a song about krs-one) and this one. Its pretty self explanatory. It just reminds me of getting blazed hardcore in my room lmao. Ihad no glass what so ever (long long ago) so I used a water bottle bong. Omg I was uneducated, that's terrible for you.
"I smoke two joints in the morning I smoke two joints at night, I smoke two joints in the afternoon and it makes me feel alright smoke two joints in time of peace into the time of war smoke two joints before i smoke two joints and then i smoke two more"
Performances:
Watching this was a perfect way to kick off a trip I had.
THIS IS MY FAVORITE PEFORMANCE. BALL AND CHAIN & DATE RAPE!!!!
54 46 whats my number? :)) I love how lou dog is just walking around the stage. He is part of the band. Trap dog lol
Friendship Compatibility For Sagittarius And Cancer
Sagittarius
Cancer
A friendship between a Cancer and a Sagittarius is one that requires time to overcome their initial difficulties. Cancer and Sagittarius need to allow each other time and space to comprehend and appreciate each other. Sagittarius love action and adventure, and don’t mind taking chances to enjoy new things in life. Cancer hold stability and security at a very high value. Cancer’s strong sense of loyalty might ask for a devotion to friendship that Sagittarius wouldn’t be willing to provide, at least initially. However, as their friendship progresses, Sagittarius would appreciate the value of emotional strength that Cancer provide, and eventually commit themselves to a strong bond between them.
Cancer and Sagittarius take a completely different approach to things in general. Cancer are conservative and emotional, while Sagittarius are active and zealous. Cancer might be surprised by the hyperactive nature of Sagittarius, and Sagittarius might not understand the mood swings of Cancer. Cancer could provide solid support and a healthy environment for Sagittarius to work on their goals. Sagittarius could teach Cancer to be more affirmative, and bring variety and fun into the lives of Cancer. Cancer is ruled by the Moon, and Sagittarius is ruled by the planet Jupiter. The Moon symbolises motherly passion, love, and care. Jupiter symbolises development, luck, positivity, and travel. Jupiter has an abundance of masculine energy, and the Moon has intense feminine energy.(He thinks im such a girl lol) The beautiful combination of masculine and feminine energy accounts for the admiration Cancer and Sagittarius have for each other, and the balance they bring to their relationship. If they work together towards their shared ambitions, they almost always achieve the desired results.
Cancer is a water sign, and Sagittarius is a fire sign. The crab looks for emotional steadiness and safety, and the archer wants freedom of expression and action. The archer perseveres in its efforts and schemes tirelessly; the crab strives for the happiness of feelings and sentiments. The friends might not fully comprehend each other’s attitude and decisions, but they would still be fascinated by each other’s approach to life. They balance each other well, and either partner could gain from the experiences of the other. As long as they maintain a deep, powerful friendship, they settle their arguments easily.
Cancer is a cardinal sign, and Sagittarius is a mutable sign. Cancer love to start new things, while Sagittarius love to shift their attention from one thing to another. Cancer must give Sagittarius their independence, and could make use of Sagittarius’ ideas and interests. Sagittarius could teach Cancer that versatility could be a good thing.
The most striking aspect of the relationship between a Cancer and a Sagittarius is the safety and support they provide for each other. Once they understand each other’s attitudes and accept each other’s differences, they could form a dynamic combination. They only need to converse with each other and settle their disagreements to preserve an intense, enduring friendship.
“There is almost a sensual longing for communion with others who have a large vision. The immense fulfillment of the friendship between those engaged in furthering the evolution of consciousness has a quality impossible to describe.”
- Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
So I had an interesting Friday night. It all started by me being at the store shopping for my nieces birthday gifts. Javi texts me that lucy is in town. I like trying lucy from different people because I wanna find her. It usually isn't her or its just bunk. Once I ate 3 hits of acid and left the weed more...
WTF
Anywho, he says he will buy some so I told him to get me 2. He also suggested we went to smoke hookah that night, so we did. He ate his before we met up. Within 20 minutes he said he was tripping BALLS. Im just like hmmm..maybe it is her because him and I have a good tolerance so he is not weak lol.
We meet up and go smoke hookah and I didn't eat mines yet because we he forgot them in the car. So he is tripping balls and im sober and we are having such interesting conversations. I like how collective he is :) He seemed really happy..lucy :')
So on my way home I ate mines. The person he got it from gave him2 hits for free, so he gave me 3<3
As I ate them my body felt weird and was very optimistic it was her. As I got out the car to open my house doors I felt. Strange. i'm not tweaked out by whats happening but the thought that it might actually be her. I smoke a bowl and when I smoked the bowl I was numb so I know she was coming.
One thing I love about LSD is when you look somewhere and look away and something looks odd and you get that "damn im tripping" thought. It is where the journey begins.
I was alone in my room, I think im weird for being okay to drop cid alone. But I think its the best because it gets you deep into thought. Although the whole time I was wishing I could share my experience with friends :"(
I started to trip really fucking hard at first. When you eat it it hits you really hard all at once but slowly you start to get use to it because it cools down. It was her,
seriously inside my head I pictured a parade for about 10 minutes. It made me really happy someone was really genuinely nice to give some away to someone he didn't know. Not because it was poison but it was her. It gave me faith in humanity lol
It is 2 am and my parents are asleep so I cant be that loud. Im tripping so everything sounds loud from my heart beat to the steps I was taking. I listened to music and drew. I drew some really weird shit, I wasn't in the mood to draw. My room began to shift and move in all sorts of directions. I was getting TONS of visuals Everything looked weird, one thing that made sense was my yellow submarine holographic frame. It looked normal, I felt like it made sense. I watched a sublime concert and admired bradly deeply. I can feel and see the passion in every note he hits. I could see that he is a beautiful as soul who inspires me daily and sound alleviates my soul.
That day I realizes how much I love the beatles.
I heard this sing and felt genuinely happy. I felt like a child again. I was spinning in circles and dancing. I was SO happy. I felt like how I felt as a little girl.
The beatles made me very happy.
I listen to the doors and jim...goddamnitt lol He is so soul full
I had such beautiful thoughts. The only bad thought I had was that I thought javi would think I died If I didnt reply to his texts. I hate phones on acid. I hated the internet. I only used youtube and iTunes during my trip lol social networks always weird me out on cid for some reason.
It was really weird. I had a trip about my friend. Im not even sure if I like him as much as I say, I think I like him more as a friend. Or idk cus I always say this shit. On cid it made a lot of sense.
im not sad about anything, lucy let me know that everything is going to be okay as long as I strive and put my heart and soul into what I wanna do. By that I mean furthering my education, getting a job and move out. I really felt it that I needa move out. I felt so trapped in my house. I also need to get healthy. I was really really really cold at the peek of my trip. Being anemic sucks, I need to make better decisions and get healthier. I meditated and stretched and felt fucking awesome. I had a lot of balance on cid. I didn't stop tripping till 10am.
Those 8hours were the most fun I had in a long time.
I also realized how strong my mental is. I was in the washroom peeing and my floor looked like it was infested with maggots. I was like wtf but wasn't scared. If it was for real I would of but my mind knows im tripping and its not :p
This is what I am currently listening to :) I went outside to smoke a bowl and left to door open so it wouldn't squeak since I wanted to pack another and then my dad came out :o i was like uhh i was going outside to give my neighbor a tampon lmfao he didn't buy it but accepted it and went to bed. He's not retarded he knows I went to smoke.
So.. I started to tell my ex my feelings for him. We began to discuss them for a bit but he hasn't text me back.. I don't know what to think right now. Probably because I am on Xanax. I never liked Xanax but its literally keeping me from feeling Shit. Why hasn't he replied, hes online... and i said something really important. My mentality is on fuck it mode cus of the bar.
It's a coincidence i ate it too. I didn't like it because it makes me sleepy. But that is why i took it today cus i took like a 5 hour nap -____-
Let me just rant for a bit:
FUCK YOU JAVI.
you have time to get online but not reply to what i said that took no courage but effort because the moment felt right to tell you and that rarely happens. I guess you just are more twisted that i thought i can handle. But it is what it is. I hope when i sober up i'm still me.
I hate questioning my existence.
But i shouldn't let one person allow them to break me down mentally. There is so many other fishes in the sea.
I hate that im so complicated.
&this is when i hug Erick and feel okay.
Do you believe that our story is already written or our story is being written by ourselves? I often think its a balance of both. Astrology makes me believe it is already because our existence is already written in the stars. Astrology is fucking crazy. I feel like finding a good book on it and learning more about it. I also want to read a book about dreams.
It's alright not to know the answer to everything but I have so many questions. My birthday is July 17th, my element is water. I am a cancer, a little crab:3 pinch pinch lol
What the stars say:
Crabs live in the inter-tidal zone of the oceans, where tides rise and fall twice every day. This is the most dynamic and changeful place on earth, but also the most nutrient rich. Because of the constant change, Cancer have developed a hard outer shell for protection. Cancer can use the hard outer shell of your home as your protection. But it's more than just that. Typically, your sensitive Cancer can hold your feelings quietly behind your own walls.
Crabs also have large pinching claws, and Cancer can hold onto things, especially from the past. Cancer are fiercely loyal and have a difficult time letting go. But Cancer are also quick to bring those you love inside the safety of your outer shell while you nurture them. Cancer love is protective, but unless tempered, can be smothering.
Cancer motto could be, "A good defense is the best offense." Like a Crab in its cave, your attack can consist of baiting your opponent into your territory. What appears to be a retreat to others can be your best aggressive tactic. As you feel your way through life, building your security by developing your home and family relationships, remember that unexpressed anger can turn into resentment and depression, so find someone you can trust and share your feelings.
Element: Water
Astrologically, the water element symbolizes emotion. Water runs deep; it seeks its own level and will flow until it has found it. The cycle of water is endless with the snows falling in the mountains and melting. The mountain streams join to make the great rivers that run to the sea. The tides and currents churn the oceans. Similarly, our feelings are flowing as they connect the present with past experiences. Sometimes the waters are so deep that we cannot put words to our feelings.
Your Biggest Strength: Your ability to nurture others
Your Potential Weakness: Fear of the past repeating in the future
I am totally a cancer.
Cancers and virgos compliment each other. I am water as they are earth.
The person I like is a virgo. I don't think i've dated anyone who isn't a virgo lol I'd love to date a Taurus ^____^
Virgo and Cancer
When Cancer and Virgo make a love match, a strong, down-to-earth relationship with staying power is the happy result. This is a relationship with great potential to get better and better over the passing years. Both Cancer and Virgo are goal-oriented and disciplined. They are sincere and devoted to one another and share a strong sense of purpose. No lightweight love here: These two were not really built for flings! Cancer and Virgo deeply admire one another: Virgo respects Cancer’s quiet strength and dedication while Cancer appreciates Virgo’s keen adaptability and intelligence.
These lovers may get off to a slow start, but over time, bonds will only grow stronger. The Cancer-Virgo love match prides itself on common sense and strong principles over fluff and inconsequential or fleeting connections. They enjoy the material comforts of life, but they will only feel good about their bounty if it has come as a result of honest hard work. There could be tiffs if Virgo becomes too critical for Cancer’s easily bruised feelings; Cancer needs to understand that it’s just Virgo’s nature to point out what they observe, that it’s not a personal attack. A Virgo may bristle at their Cancer mate’s stubborn streak, but it’s a trait that a patient and understanding love partner like Virgo could come to appreciate. Also, Virgo’s urge to serve suits Cancer’s affectionate, nurturing nature well.
The Moon (Emotion) rules Cancer, and Mercury (Communication) rules Virgo. Though they’re very different planets, they’re both near the Sun and therefore always in one another’s neighborhoods. The Moon is a mothering influence; it’s about cultivation and fostering growth, which are both central concerns for Cancer. Mercury is all about communication, and it’s an androgynous energy — Virgo will adapt and take on the form that it chooses, the guise that best serves a situation. Virgo takes an intellectual approach to life (especially compared to the emotional Cancer), but still manages to be perceptive and intuitive enough to figure others out if they choose. Good thing for the Crab, then, that a Virgo mate can get a feel for devotion and domestic fulfillment if that’s what their Cancer lover desires. These two won’t argue about fulfilling one another’s needs. They’ll work at it and relish the rewards of their conscientiousness.
Cancer is a Water Sign, and Virgo is an Earth Sign. Earth Signs, true to their name, are down-to-earth, but they can also be materialistic and preoccupied with acquisition. The Cancer-Virgo love partners like to surround themselves with comfortable, well-crafted things. Water Signs rely on feeling and intuition, making Cancer the emotive force behind this relationship, in a subtle Cancer way, of course. Along with their desire for prosperity, their love of a fancy home life ensures that this couple will work hard toward this shared goal. Also, they’re practical pair, and losing control is never really an issue.
Cancer is a Cardinal Sign, and Virgo is a Mutable Sign. While Cancer gets things going, Virgo thrives on a changing routine of responsibilities and challenges. Because they’re so ubiquitous, Virgo will find a place in Cancer’s plans if they really want to. Virgo will keep in mind Cancer’s plans, and will eventually bring results even if Cancer has moved on.
What’s the best aspect of Cancer-Virgo relationship? Their dedication to working toward the same goals. Both partners in this love match enjoy a stable home life and nice things, and Virgo truly enjoys helping Cancer along the way to achieving their goals. Their shared goals and desires make theirs a highly compatible love match.
Well excuse me stars lol. Shittt I felt like I just read my story. It's part of the reason it keeps me going.
This song really makes me think of the balance of life. Every time I go into a deep depressing mindset, it always means because something really good is going to happen afterwards. You know, cause life is a balance :)
I be high:
When my bank account has a reasonable amount of money. I have more options on what to do with my days.
Comforting my friends or when they comfort me. They know exactly what to say sometimes:)
When its my turn to have numi and she's over my house, or when we take naps at her dads house. Meet numi jaimes perez :>
She is my unicorn baby and that's elyphante lol
4. When I have a pleasant trip and made my money worth it.
5. Learning new music
6. Helping someone mentally; I want to be a therapist
7. Seeing old friends unexpectedly
8. Rolling in the summer with javi and bike riding with him.
9. Summer nights
10. Buying something on sale
11.Making new friends
12. Having a new love interest
13. Listening to music on the train
14. Label bombing
15. When I add something new to my room
16. When I have some weed to smoke
17. When I get a new tattoo
18. Going to a show
19. When I see my shadow because I can see how long my hair is down my back
20. When I open my second drawer, I swear my life is like in there...
21. When I lose weight and gain muscle mass.
22. Knowing your place in someone's life and how special you are to them
I be low:
1. When I get some bunk ass lucy, Do you not test your drugs before you sell them?
2. When a friend is sad, it's like I can feel their sadness and I just want to wash it all away.
Look ely, we took this picture when you were really sad. It makes me happy you don't seem this way anymore :D
4. This song sometimes still gets to me. Ugh can time just hurry the fuck up >.<
6. When I gain weight in such a short amount of time. Its fucking retarded.
7. When my glass breaks :(
8. Not having enough money to do anything, not even ride the bus
9. When the weather doesn't let me ride my bike.
10. When I can't express myself
11. Feeling hopeless in finding a job
12. When I argue with my parents
13. questioning my existence
14. When I get really drunk, I hate the person I am when i'm really hammered(why I don't drink anymore)
15. When I realize I can't connect with anyone
16. Feeling like this one person is the only one for me
17. When I fall into depression and don't want to see anyone
19. Forgetting that there is more to life than a love life
20. When the guy I like flirts with a girl, it automatically makes me feel she is better than I
21. When they don't have the Arizona I want :(
22. Not having enough money to travel
23. School
24. Failing at what I want to major in
25. Not feeling smart enough, I need Adderall to concentrate. I just simply can't focus on something I don't want to
26. Being a human and giving into temptation
27. Living at home sometimes interferes with the person I want to transition to
28. Paying bills
29. Feeling small because the universe is so damn big, although we are it,
30. Not being able to get the tattoos I want because of the place I want them in. I cant hide my hands:(
Songs That make me feel optimistic about life :)
This one time my friends sister was on ecstacy and got emotional over her past and was crying :( I talked to her and she felt better. I put this song on her and she bursted laugh and a smile. I mean, who can be mad at this song :) It reminds me of skipping with aumi on ecstacy at 5 am on a summer morning <3
THE BEATLES MAKE ME VERY HAPPY
Rather you like to accept it or not, we all have an angel and a devil in our head. Stay happy and be the pure soul you are. Keep yourself sane and attract positivity into your life. I think spirituality is the key to an easier life. You will really learn to accept life. Acceptance is the key to everything.
